You Know My Name

It’s been communicated that my biological mother named me, Monica Marie Garnett. I love being named Monica. It’s not terribly common, I adore how it sounds, and there’s only one way to spell it. Inserting a “k” rather than a “c” is just wrong. : ) References suggest the name originates in Northern Africa and means advisor. I haven’t always been a fan of “Marie,” and I’m not sure if it’s a relatives name or selected merely because it goes nicely with Monica. When the adoption was finalized, my last name was revised to O’Neal. Throughout my career many people I spoke with over the phone asked if I was of Irish descent. Hmmm, no.

After running away from my adoptive family, O’Neal really didn’t have much meaning. Some may say, who cares, a name doesn’t define you but as the years passed I yearned for a sense of connection and wanted most things about me to actually mean something. As I initiated this journey to authenticity, it began with my last name. I struggled with changing my name back to Garnett due to the lack of relationship with my biological mother and maternal family. Although Garnett had meaning and provided a sense of connection to my roots, I struggled with the fact that I really didn’t know any Garnett’s. Sure, ancestry.com exists but finding them wasn’t at the top of my list.

As I updated my LinkedIn profile one evening, I decided to hyphenate my last name to O’Neal-Garnett. I figured at least my name had a little meaning even if I didn’t have a relationship with any O’Neals or Garnetts. Soon after the update, I began getting messages congratulating me on being married. I thought, how in the world would I explain this.

As my relationship with my biological father evolved, I asked if he would mind if I changed my last name to Hargrave. He was thrilled. Sooo, on April 3rd, 2019 I will go before Superior Court, and my name will be legally changed to Monica Aliscena Hargrave. Aliscena is my paternal grandmother’s name. I’m learning so much about my lineage- how bright they are, their strong faith, the entrepreneurs (Hargrave and Sons Cleaners was founded in 1924 and was the only African American owned business in Lackawanna, NY), the educators, their work ethic, and so much more.

My dad and I speak daily, frequently 2 or 3 times and I’m intentional about nurturing our relationship. Women need their fathers. I’m cognizant that many are not as fortunate and have no idea who their father is or have strained to no relationship- even with possessing their last name. While I’m glad to finally have the connection I yearned so long for I don’t dare forget about the ultimate relationship. Yeah, the connection with The One who created me. I recently stumbled on a song by Tasha Cobbs, You Know My Name and listen to it 3-4 times daily. It speaks to my soul. Especially these words: “No fire can burn me, no battle can turn me, no mountain can stop me ‘cause you hold my hand, and I’m walking in your victory ‘cause your power is within me no giant can defeat me ‘cause you hold my hand.”
Whether I changed my name or not, God knows me and understands my journey and yours too. I’m forever grateful.

Cheers to your journey,
Monica

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