The Holidays
We are in full swing of the holiday season and I’m looking forward to the decorations, wintry weather and overall holiday cheer.
When I was a little girl in foster care, we always decorated a fake Christmas tree. The tree was filled with multi-colored lights and sat in the traditional red tree stand in front of the window. However, beneath the tree was barren. My foster mother didn’t cook a fancy meal or set a gorgeous table, invite friends/relatives over, purchase gifts or new outfits. We had nuts, fruit and love.
Love.
The kind of love that isn’t restrictive – not what you can do for me but just good ole fashion, “I care about you kind of love.” You know, the kind of love that you know it when you experience it? Yes, that kind. The funny thing is, I don’t recall an actual lesson in love – all eight of us (Michael, Darron, David, Victor, Patty, Lori and my foster mother) , simply loved each other. We took care of each other. When Michael’s diaper needed changing, one of us changed it. When Darren encountered trouble at school, one of us helped him. When Patty hung out with the wrong crowd, at least one of us prayed. When Lori worked the late shift, we stayed up playing Soul Train or feeding the spiders until she arrived home. Somehow this was all self-directed. No one had to tell us to do it.
Although I’m much older now, like many I find myself thinking about the commercialism of the holiday season. What should I purchase for everyone? Fortunately, I paused and corrected my thoughts. Rather than compiling a lengthy list of items to purchase which will negatively impact my budget for quite some time, I’m going to take a definition of love (patience, kindness, etc.) and weave it into a list of inexpensive gift ideas. So how does this work? Maybe its helping the friend that thinks she’s too old to start a business create a vision board. Perhaps it’s babysitting a few hours for that family that needs a lending hand, paying for the person’s groceries in front of me at the grocery store, raking my neighbors leaves, reading to a child or visiting a nursing home. Anyone regardless of age and economics can do most of these things.
This holiday season and always, I’m thankful. Thankful that being in foster care taught me the importance of the season and about love. My tree may still be barren, but that’s only to the naked eye. Love is there.
From my home to yours, enjoy the season.
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Wow. What a touching reminder of what the holiday season is really all about.
I grew up poor and I will never forget some valuable lessons I learned early in life. First, presents are not as important as love and togetherness. When I was eight years old, I had a wonderful Christmas. I got a new Barbie, a Barbie pool, and a Gem doll with a fashion closet among other goodies! So far that had been the best Christmas of my young life. Unfortunately, my mother and stepfather decided to spend so much on Christmas presents for me and little sister, that the rent went unpaid that month. Finances spiraled out of control and by the spring, we were evicted from our apartment and become homeless. We bounced around from motels to homes of family and friends for months. Although, as a kid growing up, I of course wanted presents every year but I learned that I’d rather be present-less than homeless. So as our family expanded and I had 3 more sisters, I would always tell my parents that I didn’t want anything or very little for Christmas or that I could wait until after Christmas. My thought was that if they had to make tough choices with limited funds, at least my baby sisters would have a nice Christmas with toys from Santa like I experienced as a small child. As I became a tween and teen, sometimes I would only get a present from a charity like Toys for Tots. But no matter what, rain or shine or snow, we would travel via public transportation on Christmas day to my mother’s parents’ small apartment in a nearby town. We would have a feast even if it was not served at a fancy table or on fancy plates. And we would be together with my mom’s brothers and their children. Extended family would also stop by and if I were lucky, I’d get a new pair of gloves or other small gift from them. I learned to cherish the tradition of togetherness more than presents.
I’m 39 years old and I’ve only spent two Christmases in my life not in the company of my immediate family. The first time was because I had to travel internationally for work just before the holidays and I couldn’t logistically make it back and forth. The second time was because I started a new job, had to work during around the holidays and didn’t realize that I should have just asked to work remotely. This past Christmas was very special for my family. It was the first Christmas after the passing of my sister who transitioned 3 days after Christmas the prior year. We honored my sister by wearing custom shirts that featured family pictures from 2 Christmases prior when my middle sister suggested that we wear ugly Christmas sweaters and decorate frames so we could make special memories and take lots of pictures. Just like almost every prior Christmas, 90% of us were together (my mom, her brothers and most of their children and grandchildren, my remaining sisters and their children) under one roof, sharing the same tradition of family, food, and togetherness, which is what Christmas should be about.
Wow back at you! Thank you so much for sharing your story – it truly warms my soul. It’s just so special and I love how you honored your sister. You are phenomenal. Hugs.